hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
home. puking in laundry basket.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
