My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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