If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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