i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
