Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
