we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
