Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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