The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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