1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
