look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, beer. Big fan.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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