I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
