No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
