turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drake has all the answers
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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