it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
