i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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