i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
