He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
