What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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