I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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