My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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