I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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