Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
