She's JV to your varsity
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
