I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
