Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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