lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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