i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
