we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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