i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
