We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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