My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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