Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
