I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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