dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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