i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
