god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
