Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
