you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
