What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize