We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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