I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
