I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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