We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
