so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
