Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
