I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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