sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize