i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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