It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
