She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
