having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
