Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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