so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
