She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
