Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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