WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize