good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
