something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
