Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
