It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
