a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
