My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
