Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
