It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
