Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize