Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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