ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
