I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
