just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
